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| thanks for all who responded to my last post- I have some very encouraging people far and near- and I am very greatful for that.
Now here's a little silly survery inspired by the great beautiful Lindsey
1. What Myspace friend knows the REAL you best?
Steve
2. Describe a typical Monday for you?
wake up around 8
art history 10am-1pm
garment construction 1:30-5:30
most likely fill the rest of the time in the studio/darkroom/digital lab
10pm-rest and a phone call
12-sleep
3. Any odd routines you follow when you wake up?
I squeel and blink my eyes to try and get them to open- then I crack my back
4. If alcohol was banned worldwide, what would your reaction be?
I'd be fine with it- but I would get tired of listening to everyone else rant about how it's not fair- so, essentially I wouldn't be personally affected but really it wouldn't be fair.
5. When was the last time you cried?
hmmm last week
6. Do you believe world peace is possible?
no- human nature and racism will always cause us to be constantly fighting
7. Name one thing about the OPPOSITE sex that automatically turns you off:
cockiness!!!
8. What do you think of Brokeback Mountain?
I haven't seen it- I don't agree with homosexuality- but that's real life, I'm sure the plot is very similar to someone's actual story-making it a good veiw
9. What popular word do you find to be incredibly annoying?
"tight"
10. Leatherface is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide?
hide like a little wuss
11. Do you feel that people underestimate you?
Yes-all the time because I'm quiet
12. Was it just me, or did Mariah lipsynch half her performance at the Grammys?
I'm pretty sure we all know Mariah can sing- so let her go
13. Honestly, do you talk about Myspace in real life?
yes. because of the joke my friends and I have with "oo that'd be a great myspace photo"
14. Have you met someone from online in person?
Yes. actually I've had pretty sweet luck with it too- I've met 2 of the most wonderful people online- I'm not promoting it- but hahahaha yes I've done it
15. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
heck yeah
16. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing now:
this question is so stupid. honestly.
17. Sometimes people get depressed. Are you the one they turn to?
if no one else is around - I'm not a therapist- I do care about people but I am really bad at talking it out
18. Describe your "style"
a really weird take on pretty tom-boyesque
19. Describe what your "type" is:
all ranges of humor and athletic
20. Love and Sex go together. Would you have sex if no love was involved?
I wouldn't have sex if marriage wasn't involved
21. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
no- I'm surrounded by a completely new set of people and places- it takes a while to figure me out
22. What is something you're afraid of:
tornadoes- photography failure
23. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis?
I have really bad skin and really light hair- so the whole package comes on unless I'm playing sports
24. Is your AIM away message on?
of course it is- hahaha when I take it off I can't handle the madness
25. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
asparagus and grilled chicken
26. What curse word do you use the most?
bitch- the only one I use actually aha
27. Do you own an ipod?
Yes- and it's failing on me! NO!!!!!
28. Who on your Myspace " top 8 " do you talk to the most?
Dee and Stef
29. What time is your alarm clock set for?
7:30am
30. Have you ever bid for something on ebay?
yes ma'am
31. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
no- I hate flip-flops actually
32. Where do you buy your groceries from?
jewel, peapod.com, whole foods
33. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
take the picture ladies
34. What was the last movie you watched?
Clifford- on VHS it was hilarious
35. Do any of your friends have children?
they are about to...
36. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy?
probably a car for steve and a car for me
37. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Yes but not often
38. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
no-but because of my insulin problem sometimes I eat something bad to fall aleep
39. What CD is currently in your CD player?
ummm I actually don't have one
40. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
I don't drink milk it makes me gassy and bloated (true story)
41. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
nope
42. When was the last time someone hit on you?
this saturday
43. What did you have for dinner?
a "divine salad" and cheetos- gah I cheated
44. What's your favorite holiday?
thanksgiving
45. What color is your car?
don't have a car
46. Can you whistle?
yes ma'am!
47. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
a christmas story
48. Do you make your own jewelry?
nope
49. Have you ever participated in a protest?
Nope
50. Who was the last person to call you?
steve
51. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
anything really fast-moving- high action packed
52. What is something you must do everyday?
eat and do some kind of moving arond or I go crazy
53. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
yes
54. What area code are you in right now?
312
55. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Yes sir
56. How big is your local mall?
well I don't know square footing but it's 7 stories high
57. What is your job title?
Photographer- Lab technician
58. What do you miss most?
my best friend
59. Would you ever sky dive?
yes- we'll see if I don't die
60. What are you allergic to?
porn
61. What is your biggest regret?
dating too early
62. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
no
63. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
sunday- oh gosh it was the greatest
64. Do you own any band t-shirts?
unfortunetly too many
65. When was your last plane ride?
after spring break? I think
66. Do you crack your knuckles?
not anymore actually
67. What is your favorite salad dressing?
ranch ranch ranch
68. Do you read for fun?
yes ma'sm
69. Can you speak any languages other than English?
unfortunetly, no
70. What color is your bedroom painted?
red
71. Are your parents divorced?
yeessss
72. Have you ever cried in public?
several times- not on purpose I just couldn't help it
73. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
plans
74. Are you always trying to learn new things?
yes- especially about fashion photography
75. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
yes I want a floral half sleeve and a straight edge angel- I want a vertical labrea(spelling?) but I can't with my jobs
76. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
Yes- if he is the one that initiated the date
77. Can you skip rocks?
eh. no!
78. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
no but it sounds fun
79. Who was your favorite teacher?
mr. etheridge, mr. anderson, mr. watt
80. What is the weather like?
so gross I don't even want to walk home
81. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
hahahahahahahaha- of course!
82. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school?
yes- and it's so fun!
83. What was your favorite class in high school?
84. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
I guess by the world's standards I haven't really dating anyone super attractive- but I thought they were
85. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I sleep on the floor everynight
86. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
another one of these questions.
87. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been?
Gabriel Jensen
88. Do you like your living arrangement?
it's amazing but WAY too expensive
89. What is your mother and father's hometowns?
both indianapolis, IN
90. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
I can function on like 3- but I NEED like 7
91. How much is gas where you live right now?
$3.05
92. Do you own a Playstation?
nope! I'm old school baby
93. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
1
94. What album did you buy last?
a Rise Against CD
95. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
it's embarassing- but I don't wear them all
96. Are your days full and fast-paced?
yes-except for thursdays
97. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
all the time
98. Were you a " planned " child?
probably not
99. What is your mom's name?
Laura
100. What is your dad's name?
Greg
101. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
21 | | |
| Ok people I’m just going to be straight up with you. Lately my faith has been slipping. Okay, not just lately- for a long time. For years it has, really. There has never been a time where I have read my Bible everyday. I have lived the Christian life- been surrounded by other Christians- been raised and completely drowned in it. Not saying this was a bad thing- it helped to shape me into a person with morals- a person with what I feel is a good outlook on life-but it also has confused me.
For the first time in my life I am in the world. I am living in Chicago- going to a secular school. Christianity takes work now- it takes pursuing a church- pursuing other people who share the same beliefs. For the first time I am actually seeing other people’s perspectives- why they think/live the way they do. The problems with Christianity.
All that to say this. I’m confused and never have felt so weak about my religion in my life. I’ve been spoon-fed the right answers- told what to say-what to think- without ever experiencing anything on my own. I’ve basically been living according to other people’s thinking- without ever discovering God on my own.
Honestly, there never had been a time in my life were I “felt” God working in my life. Sure- I know a lot about the Bible- I could carry on intellectual conversations and follow the rules in it- but I never actually felt true passion about it. I never told anyone about Jesus- I did if they asked- but I never had a passion for spreading the word like some of my friends. My face didn’t light up like the others- I don’t know; something was just different in me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to change who I am. I am not saying I am throwing everything out the window. I’m not going to turn around and become some kind of mean, vulgar, self-centered jerk. I still feel VERY strongly about issues that are presented in the Bible like debauchery, sex before marriage, modesty, pornography, vulgarity, homosexuality- and other issues- but I am going to be honest when I say I’m confused about some other topics and I’m struggling.
I don’t want to scare anyone- and please don’t be judgmental- I know I used to be very judgmental of people and their struggles- I’m posting this I guess as a plea for prayer- and just to update you and to be honest really. I don’t want to fake it anymore- I don’t want to “talk” like I know will fool people- I don’t want to act like I know everything about Christianity and live my life accordingly. This is who I am right now.
I’m not giving up. I have some great resources/books/people that I know will help me. This time I am just going to take a different approach I guess. Come from a secular perspective and ask the questions most of the world asks- and seek the truth.
Please don’t attack me. I’ve completely put myself out there because I’m sick of just.. avoiding things or faking it. I’ll get through this- I know it. This is just me being open about my current struggle.
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| I think I'm going to stop writing in this. I don't think anyone reads it.
hmm. I guess it's viva la myspace from now on. | | |
| lately I've been reminded how much I hate porn. The other night I was having a conversation about it with someone and I just flat out started crying. I was reminded how much it hurts women. It makes us feel like trash. It makes us feel like we are ugly. Imperfect. Unable to look as beautiful as those women. This morning I was googling tattoos and came across some naked images of women and I was appalled. I hope that feeling never goes away (as weird as it sounds), it's a terrible feeling but I do not ever want to be desensitized to it. Why do girls do that to themselves? They are allowing any man to see them fully naked in a very sexual position. Disgusting. Again, I started crying, and I cry as I continue to write this. It hurts me so much to know women are causing men all over the world to stumble and fall hard. Ug. I don't want anything to do with it...
it makes me sick to my stomach... | | |
| I'm home! I remember why I missed it.
I can't wait to move off campus. I can't wait for fashion photography.
more updates later if I have anything worth reading
my birthday is on the 2nd:) I normally don't remind people, but c'mon I'll be 20. | | |
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